Goodbye, Krusty, Hello Pig Pen transcript

Prologue: The Opening Theme Tune Intro
Male Robotic Voices: The Simpsons

Clancy: back again for season 30

[Rock And Roll Version Of The Simpsons Theme Tune In Background]

There’s a billboard that reads: Now you see them, now you don't

Ralph is enjoying his strawberry ice cream treat while Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are sawing off the head of the statue of Jebediah Springfield, but the head lands right on Ralph’s head.

Ralph: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Bart is seen writing Good exciting news: Sideshow Mel doesn't pass away on the chalkboard.

[School Bell Ringing]

Bart skateboards outta the school building, all the way back home to the Simpson family’s house.

Dewy is conducting the student’s music while Lisa is playing her saxophone uncontrollably while walking out the door.

Homer is seen working at the Nuclear Power Plant while Mr. Burns, Smithers, Lenny and Carl are watching above him, and he finds a green radiation orb.

[Steam Whistle Sounds]

Homer leaves to drive back home from work.

Marge and Maggie are grocery shopping, but the cashier picks up Maggie and scans her by mistake and Marge rescues her immediately.

Homer is driving around while Bart is still skateboarding.

Marge and Maggie are now driving back home to their house.

Outside the Simpson family’s house, Homer is standing by the open garage, just as Lisa scoots right past him on her bicycle.

Homer: “D’oh!”

The Simpson family’s car is just about to pull right into the driveway.

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Homer rushes right back inside the house, and the 5 members of The Simpson family are about to sit on the sofa, but Hefty Smurf and Smurfette from The Smurfs animated cartoon series are sitting right on it.

Scene 1: Springfield Elementary School/Carol Berrera's classroom
Carol: "Yesterday afternoon, we discussed about making Me posters, now who would like to present theirs to the entire class? how 'bout you, Rod?"

Rod: "I made this Me Shield yesterday evening, and pasted lots of pictures on it, that's my parents, my brother, Todd and my twin sisters, Sadie and Felicia."

Carol: "Thanks for sharing, Rod, and might I say, that Me Poster is so very you, now, Bart, would you like to go next?"

Bart goes right up to the front of the entire classroom.

Bart: "This is a Me Shield I made with pictures of Radioactive Man, my mom, my dad, my 2 sisters, Lisa and Maggie, our dog and cat, Santa's Little Helper and Snowball V, and especially Krusty the Clown, Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie."

Carol: "That shield is fantastic, Bart, well done."

[School Bell Ringing]

Carol: "And there goes the school bell, have a good weekend, students."

All of the 4th grade students are now walking around outta the school building and right on the Springfield Elementary School bus.

Bart: "Well, I can hardly wait to be in the audience on The Krusty the Clown Show this weekend."

Lisa: "So can I, Bart, especially Milhouse."

Milhouse: "I say, let's find out when it's gonna happen."

Everybody's now asleep right after their dinner and dessert meals.

Scene 2: The Simpson family's house/the living room (Saturday evening)
Krusty: "Hey, hey, kids, your good friend Krusty here, telling all of you that you're gonna be part of my audience, Sunday afternoon, so try not to be late for my show tomorrow afternoon."

Bart: "Oh boy, Lisa, we've gotta go get tickets to be part of the audience on The Krusty the Clown Show."

Lisa: "We'd better go tell Mom and Dad about it."

Bart and Lisa walk right over to Marge and Homer in the dining room.

Bart: "Hey, Mom, Dad, can Lisa and I have $23.00 for tickets for Krusty's show tomorrow afternoon?"

Marge: "Of course you kids can."

Homer: "Here you go."

Homer gives Bart and Lisa both $23.00 bills.

Lisa: "Thanks a bunch, Dad."

Bart: "Now we'll be prepared for tomorrow afternoon."

Later that evening, Bart and Lisa and everybody is asleep in their beds and cribs.

The very next morning, right after breakfast, Bart, Lisa and Milhouse are on their way to Krustylu Studios.

Krustylu Studios
Jeremy: "Welcome to Krustylu Studios, how can I help you kids here?"

Bart: "We would like 3 tickets for The Krusty the Clown Show, please."

Jeremy: "Okay, here you go, enjoy the show."

Jeremy gives Bart, Lisa and Milhouse their tickets.

Milhouse: "Wow, thanks a bunch, Jeremy."

Bart, Lisa and Milhouse go inside Krustylu Studios and all the way to Krusty's show and sit right in the audience.

Inside Krustylu Studios/the audience
Krusty: "Welcome, Kids, to The Krusty the Clown Show, tonight's show will have Sideshow Mel and Princess Penelope, but 1st, here's Sideshow Mel to perform a skateboard trick through 2 hula hoops."

The stage curtains rise up to reveal Sideshow Mel on his blue skateboard.

[Drumroll Sounds]

Sideshow Mel skateboards through 2 hula hoops.

All young kids: "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Krusty: "That was fantastic, Sideshow Mel."

Sideshow Mel: "Thanks a bunch, Krusty."

Krusty: "Last but not least is Princess Penelope to perform real good dance off moves."

The stage curtain opens again and Penelope begins performing her dance off moves.

All young kids: "Yaaaaaaaaay!"

Krusty: “Well, kids, I hope you’ve all had fun this afternoon, but we’ll see you next time on The Krusty the Clown Show.”

Meanwhile, Bart, Lisa, Milhouse and Krusty are now walking around outta Krusty-Lu Studios and downtown Springfield.

Krusty: "Kids, it's been so much fun and exciting having the 12 of you in the audience on my show, now let's all take a nice long walk around downtown Springfield."

Lisa: "That's a good idea, Krusty."

Bart, Lisa, Milhouse and Krusty walk around downtown Springfield.

Milhouse: "Wow, what a super thrilling afternoon."

Bart: "Super thrilling indeed."

Bart, Lisa and Milhouse notice Krusty going off on the other side, where there's a rocket missile coming right towards him.

Bart: "Krusty, watch out!”

Lisa: “I can’t even look where it’s happening!”

Milhouse: “Neither can I!”

But it's too late, Krusty is now blasted away by the rocket missile.

Bart: "No! Krusty!"

Milhouse: "This isn't happening, tell me this isn't happening!"

Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Ned, Kathy, Rod, Todd, Sadie, Felicia, Kirk, Luann, Seymour, Clancy, Moe, Officer Lou, Officer Eddie, Abe,Rita, Patty, Selma, Lenny, Carl, Barney, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Apu, Manjula and Jackie all rush out to see what just happened.

Marge: "Oh my word! Krusty! Krusty the Clown, can you hear any of us?!"

Homer: "Holy crap, what in the world happened?!"

Mr. Burns: "I say, he wasn't too convenient, anyway."

Scene 2: Springfield General Hospital
Milhouse: “Mom? Dad? do you think Krusty’s gonna be alright?”

Luann: “Oh we don’t know, Milhouse, but this is the best hospital in Springfield, Krusty’s getting the best care and treatment there is.”

Bart: "Man, I can'tbelieve we had to share that ambulance with Daffy Duck."

Homer: "Hey, aren't you supposed to be clowning around?"

Daffy: "Don't even speak to me, pal you've got a terrible situation with the cartoon universe!"

Julius steps right outta Krusty's hospital room and right into the living room.

Homer: "Dr. Hibbert, how's Krusty? is he gonna be alright?"

Julius: "I'm terribly sorry, everybody, but Krusty's injuries are just too deadly for me to save him, I don't know how much longer he's got left to live, but I suggest that all of you go in there and say your farewells."

Bart, Lisa, Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Milhouse, Kirk, Luann, Sherri, Terri, Patty, Selma, Jackie, Abe, Rita, Clancy, Officer Lou, Officer Eddie, Moe, Ned, Kathy, Rod, Todd, Sadie, Felicia, Lenny, Carl, Barney, Ralph, Martin, Janie, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Apu, Manjula, Carol, Seymour, Otto, Lunch Lady Doris and Groundskeeper Willie all enter Krusty's hospital room.

Marge: [Teared Up] “Krusty, I know we’ll never forget about you, but it’s just difficult to live on without you.”

Homer: [Teared Up] “Oh my word, Krusty, I can’t believe this, you’re really gonna-”

Bart: [Teared Up] “I know you’re not gonna be here any longer, Krusty, but we were gonna do real good things together as always, we were gonna be spooky monster movie actors, I was gonna be more powerful than you, but we were both gonna be good at it as well.”

Krusty: “Uuuuuuuh…..uuuuuuuh.”

Kathy: [Teared Up] “You guys, I think Krusty’s trying to say something to all of us.”

Krusty: "Remember me on….The Krusty the Clown Show, remember me and those…..Itchy and Scratchy….cartoon episodes…and remember me in…..Saving Private Krusty."

Krusty: (final lines) "I'll see you real soon, kids!"

Krusty finally passes away from his injuries.

Julius puts his stethoscope right on Krusty's now deceased body.

Julius: "I'm terribly sorry, but he's gone for good right now."

Rod: [Teared Up] "Oh my word,”

Todd: [Teared Up] "He's really-"

Ned: "Yes, boys, I'm afraid that Krusty the Clown is deceased and gone for good."

The 35 Springfield residents mourn over Krusty’s now deceased body and death bed.

Fade to another black screen..........

Announcer: "Don't go away, The Simpsons will be right back, right after this commercial break."

Commercial Break number 1

Announcer: "And now, back to The Simpsons, on Fox Network."

Scene 3: The Simpson family’s house
Kent Brockman: "Good evening, Springfield residents, this is Kent Brockman, for Channel 6 News, this just in, 1 of our very best celebrities and comedians, Herschel Krustofsky A.K.A. Krusty the Clown, had been struck instantly by a rocket missile, then passed away peacefully in Springfield General Hospital, he was 52 Years Old, and right now, everybody would like to say a few memories about him as well."

Sideshow Mel: "I remember the fun thrilled times being with Krusty on The Krusty the Clown Show, we always had such a fun thrilled party blast."

Penelope: "I really loved Krusty the Clown, loved him like a white rose shrub, but in death, I'll always have something to remember him by."

Bumble Bee Man: "Él me ayudó con un montón de sus buenos chistes reales." ("He helped me with a lot of his real good jokes.")

Sideshow Bob: "I always hated him, I always did, he tried to trick me a couple of times, and I hope he's now deceased."

Kent Brockman: "What you last saw of Krusty is what he really was, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go be depressed for a little while longer."

Bart: "Stupid lousy afternoon walk, I wish we'd never went downtown, that is, even if I have all of Krusty’s merchandise, oh man, this is my entire fault, I'm the 1 who got rid of that time travel machine."

Bart: "Wait just 1 minute, that’s it, if I rebuild the time travel machine, maybe I can go back in time to save Krusty's entire life, but I guess I can't, [Sighs Depressingly] so I guess that means Krusty's really gone for good."

Scene 4: The 1st Church of Springfield
All of the Springfield residents are all here for Krusty's funeral service.

Krusty's deceased body is now inside an open blue casket.

Bart: "Man, I can't believe Krusty's really gone for good right now."

Homer: "Hey, don't worry about it, Bart, I'm sure he's laughing it up with all of the other comedian actors in the heaven skies, such as Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr, Buddy Ebsen, George Carlin, Bob Hope, Richard Pryor, Bernie Mac, Jonathan Winters, Robin Williams, Joan Rivers, Dom DeLuise, Phil Hartman, Henry Gibson, Phyllis Diller, Jim Varney, Bob Denver, Lucille Ball, Ed McMahon, Garry Shandling, Gene Wilder and especially Garry Marshall."

Bart: "Thanks for your kind thoughts, Dad, but Krusty the Clown will never be gone completely, he's still inside all of his products and merchandise."

The Simpson family sits right in their seats in the pews.

Timothy: "Dear friends and neighbors of Springfield, we're all here this evening to honor the entire life and memories of Herschel Krustofsky A.K.A. Krusty the Clown, a hilarious man of comedy and laughter."

Comic Book Guy: "What a clever fellow he was."

Selma: "He most certainly was."

Timothy: "Anyway, Krusty's number 1 fans and fellow workers, would like to say a few words about him."

Sideshow Bob goes 1st….

Sideshow Bob: "What can I say about a clown like Krusty? he was a crazy, clumsy, annoying lunatic, and he even tried to get in my way!"

Sideshow Mel goes 2nd…..

Sideshow Mel: "Krusty the Clown was my best friend for life and co-worker, we've had so many good times on his show, and we're all gonna miss him for eternity."

Lenny goes 3rd….

Lenny: "You know, I was Krusty's number 1 fan as a young kid, just like Barney, Carl, Moe, Smithers and Mr. Burns, he was hilarious, he was sometimes nervous, but he would never be forgotten."

Bart goes 4th and final….

Bart: "Krusty was my good friend and idol, I was his number 1 fan when I joined the Krusty the Clown number 1 fan membership club, I'll always remember him in 1 of his good movies, such as Saving Private Krusty and watching those violent and hilarious, Itchy and Scratchy cartoon episodes, his soul spirit remains inside all of his products and merchandise, including Krusty-Os, pull string toys, video games and all of it."

Timothy: "Alright, everybody, that's all the time we have for this evening, let's all close that casket up, and take it to Springfield Cemetary."

Springfield Cemetery
Groundskeeper Willie: [Playing Amazing Grace On Bagpipes]

Timothy: "Goodbye and goodnight, Krusty the Clown, may you join Frank Grimes, Mona Simpson, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Maude Flanders, Gladys Gurney, Alice Glick, Amber Pai Gao Simpson, Edna Krabappel Flanders, Fat Tony, Chip Davis and your parents, Hyman and Rachel Krustofsky in the beautiful skies of heaven."

Krusty's now closed blue casket is now lowered to the ground, while his tombstone reads, In Memoriam: Herschel Krustofksky A.K.A. Krusty the Clown (1969-2018). "See you real soon, kids!"

Scene 5: Krusty's wake at the Simpson family's house
Everybody else is sitting there at the dinner table, eating mostly everything else.

Bart: "How come it'll never stop hurting?"

Marge: "Well, Bart, it's normal to be depressed when a good friend and idol of yours passes away, and Krusty was a real good friend and idol to all of us."

Lisa: "I have an idea, why don't we all take an opportunity to remember Krusty the Clown, in some flashback memories."

1st flashback sequence: Like Father, Like Clown

Bart: "Krusty, are you alright?"

Krusty: "Yes, it's just that saying the bracha brings back a lot of painful memories, the old days, my...my father."

Homer: "Hey, Krusty, you gonna finish that meatloaf or what?"

2nd flashback sequence: A Star is Torn

Krusty: "Every week, we eliminate 1 contestant based on the votes cast by you, the audience."

TV announcer: Disclaimer: All ballots were lost and vote totals made up.

3rd and final flashback sequence: Funeral for a Fiend

Krusty: "There's the kid who killed my best friend!"

Krusty: [Breaks Down Sobbing Wildly]

End flashback sequences…

Bart: "Whoa, what wonderful flashback memories."

Homer: "Hey, I have an idea, the only way to stop missing Krusty is to find a new replacement celebrity clown host for his show."

Lisa: "That's a great idea, Dad, let's all go to the Springfield Clown lobby."

Scene 6: The Springfield Clown lobby
Marge: "Now, you guys, this is the place to find a new celebrity clown host that can take good care of Krusty's show."

Pig Pen: (off screen) "Hey, you, I've heard you're looking for a celebrity clown host."

Homer: "Oh, finally, a new celebrity clown host."

Lisa: "Hi there, I'm Lisa, and this is my mom, my dad, my sister, Maggie, my brother, Bart, my Grandma and Grampa Simpson, my Grandma Jackie, my Aunt Patty and my Aunt Selma."

Pig Pen: "And I'm Marty Johansson A.K.A. Pig Pen the Clown."

Patty: "Well, Pig Pen, welcome to Springfield."

Pig Pen: "I'm gonna have such a wonderful time working at Krustylu Studios."

Scene 7: Back home in the living room
Pig Pen: "Hey, young kids of all ages, it's time for The Itchy and Scratchy Show, with a new episode."

 [The Itchy And Scratchy Show Theme Music In Background]

 Chipmunk Like Voices: They fight and bite, they fight and bite and bite,

fight, fight, fight, bite, bite, bite

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

Episode 609: Roller-Coaster Train of Doom

Itchy: "Ooh, wow!"

Scratchy: "A roller-coaster train!"

 Itchy is the ticket booth owner, and Scratchy gives him 1 of his tickets.

 Scratchy is now on the roller-coaster train with all of the Scratchy look alikes, then Itchy pulls down the lever, and the sign says Ride at your own risk.

 Scratchy and All Scratchy look alikes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

 The roller-coaster train goes down, with all of the Scratchy clones disinigrating in a great big lava pit, 'til their skeletons remain.

Lisa: [Laughing Uncontrollably] "That is such a riot!"

Cut to Pig Pen in his house, reading a newspaper comic strip in his dining room.

Pig Pen: "Hey, Garfield, what is it that you don't like about Mondays?"

Bart: [Weeping Silently From Outside]

Pig Pen: "Hey, Bart, what's with the little tear drops?"

Bart: "Oh, I just realized I paid too much for another Itchy and Scratchy movie."

Pig Pen: "Come on, quit weeping, you're gonna get your pants messed up, what's the matter with you?"

Bart: "Fine, you wanna know what's the matter with me? you're the matter with me, everybody in Springfield is so thrilled with you, they've forgotten all about Krusty, well I'm not thrilled, I'll never forget Krusty, he was my good friend and idol, you're not supposed to lose your good friend and idol at my own age, you're not supposed to lose him at all."

Pig Pen: "Look, Bart, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you're gonna be alright."

Bart: "Yeah, right."

Bart: "How do you know about it?"

Pig Pen: "Because, I once had 1 entire thing happen to me with a lot of stuff.

Bart: "Really? that's what's happening to me, lots of stuff."

Pig Pen: "You know, right before you guys found me at the Springfield Clown lobby, I dated then married a young woman named Mildred, it was just me and her in a big apartment, and we got pretty tight, she kind of became my entire universe, by the time she passed away, it was real painful.

Bart: "So, how did she pass away?"

Pig Pen: "She was killed instantly in a freak accident."

Bart: "Really?"

Pig Pen: "Anyway, I guess Mildred was kind of like my Krusty."

Bart: "So how'd you get over her in the 1st place?"

Pig Pen: "Well, I met your true family, and when I saw you guys looking for a new celebrity clown host, I kind of sensed you were all going through the same feelings of depression that I was, and it made me think I was meant to find these guys, maybe we were meant to be together as always."

Bart: "You know what, Pig Pen? I'm beginning to think that may be true."

Later that night, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Marge and Homer are now watching Pig Pen on television.

Pig Pen: "Well, everybody, that's our show, I'll see all of you tomorrow night."

Homer: "Oh that Pig Pen, what a clown, what a guy."

Lisa: "Well, it's a good thing we've got all of Krusty's products and merchandise, that way, he'll always be remembered in our hearts and minds."

Fade to another black screen.......

A memorial dedication reads: Dedicated to the memories of Jan Hooks (1957-2014) Leonard Nimoy (1931-2015), Alex Rocco (1936-2015), Daryl L. Coley (1955-2016), Garry Marshall (1963-2016) and Fyvush Finkel (1922-2016).

End Production Credits
Directed by Matt Groening

In Memoriam: Sam Simon

Produced by Al Jean

Music Composed by Danny Elfman

Voice Cast Members
Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Ralph Wiggum Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders and Kearney Ziswich (voices)

Yeardey Smith as Lisa Simpson and the Itchy and Scratchy Diner waitress (voices)

Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson, Patty, Selma and Jackie Bouvier (voices)

Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson, Abe Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Barney Gumble, Groundskeeper Willie, Itchy, Poochie, Snowball V, Santa’s Little Helper and Mayor Quimby (voices)

Pamela Hayden as Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones Janey Powell and Agnes Flanders (voices)

Harry Shearer as Ned Flanders, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Lenny Leonard, Seymour Skinner, Timothy Lovejoy, Otto Mann, Kent Brockman, Scratchy and Julius Hibbert (voices)

Hank Azaria as Moe Syzslak, Clancy Wiggum, Carl Carlson, Comic Book Guy, Disco Stu, Kirk Van Houten, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and Dr. Nick Rivera (voices)

Maggie Roswell as Luann Van Houten, Elizabeth Hoover and Helen Lovejoy (voices)

Tress MacNeille as Agnes Skinner, Lunch Lady Doris and Dolph Starbeam (voices)

Anika Noni Rose as Rita LaFleur Simpson (voice)

Amy Poehler as Kathy Janet Johnson/Kathy Janet Flanders (voice)

Hadley Belle Miller as Sadie Johnson/Sadie Flanders (voice)

Mariel Sheets as Felicia Johnson/Felicia Flanders (voice)

Sofia Vergara as Carol Berrera (voice)

Special Guest Voice
Ben Stiller as Pig-Pen the Clown (voice)

In association with….

20th Century Fox Pictures