Treehouse of Horror XXXI transcript

Prologue: The opening Treehouse of Horror intro
Bart and Lisa (with Maggie in her super safe stroller) are walking around on their way home from trick or treating.

Bart's dressed up as a pirate, Lisa's dressed up as the Statue of Liberty and Maggie's dressed up like a butterfly.

Bart: "Man, I'm so lucky to be finished trick or treating."

Lisa: "So am I, Bart, (they stop right by their house.) it sure is good to be back home again."

Bart: "Now we can relax ourselves and enjoy the show."

Scene 1: The Springfield Laboratory
John: "What you're all about to see is my new invention: it can make many different copies of anybody or anything that you wish to see in your entire life, behold, the 1, the only, Duplicating Machine."

Milhouse: "Oh wow, I saw 1 of those in a science fiction movie myself."

John: "Lisa, step right up and let me test this machine on you."

Lisa walks right up to the Duplicating Machine.

Lisa: "Yes, Professor Frink? what would you like me to do here?"

John: "Just go right inside this machine and it'll make a clone of yourself."

Lisa goes right inside the Duplicating Machine 700.

John: "Observe and watch what happens."

John pulls down the lever and a clone of Lisa appears and the real Lisa's outta the machine for now.

John: "it works, it really works!"

Lisa: "Hey, who are you? you look just like me."

Lisa Clone: "That's 'cause I'm your clone, your exact copy."

Lisa: "Would you care to join me, Janey, Sherri, Terri and the others for movie night?"

Lisa Clone: "Movie night? (we see an evil grin on her face) I think not."

Lisa: "Oh my word, what kind of clone are you?!?"

The Lisa clone begins walking around on her way out to cause lots of trouble in Springfield.

Lisa: "Come on, Bart, we gotta go out there and stop my clone right before Mom and Dad find out about this."

Bart and Lisa (with Maggie in her super safe stroller) walk around outside to catch up with the Lisa clone.

Bart: "There she is,"

Lisa: "let's get her!"

Bart and Lisa (along with Maggie) chase right after the Lisa clone and finally catch her in the nick of time.

Lisa Clone: "Hey, get off me!"

Bart: "Now it's time to take you back home with all of us so we can see who the real Lisa is."

Bart, Lisa (with Maggie in her super safe stroller) and the Lisa clone walk around on their way back home to the Simpson family's house.

Lenny: "Oh wow, 2 Lisas?"

Ned: "but which 1's the real Lisa?"

Krusty: "and where did that duplicating machine come from?"

Back home at the Simpson family's house
Bart: "Mom, Dad,"

Lisa: "there's something we gotta show you guys."

The Lisa clone shows up and Marge and Homer are shocked about it.

Marge: "Oh my word,"

Homer: "this can't be right, we can't have 2 Lisa's in our house."

Bart: "Well, Mom and Dad, just sit back and relax ourselves and we'll give you the test of who the real Lisa is: the real Lisa tells you the truth and the fraud Lisa tells you a fib."

Marge: "Now let's see: Lisa, who would you say is the real you."

Lisa: "She would say that I was the real Lisa,"

Lisa Clone: "and she would say that she was the real Lisa."

Homer: "Well obviously, the real Lisa's got no wind-up key in her back side, but the fraud Lisa's got a wind-up key in her back side, so the fraud Lisa's none other than number 2."

Bart: "Man, Dad's absoutely right all along."

Lisa: "Thanks a bunch, Bart, now to get rid of my clone for good."

Lisa gets rid of the Lisa clone and makes her disappear for good.

Marge: "Well that sure takes good care of that."

Homer: "No more clones in sight."

Scene 2: Springfield Cemetery
Ned's right by Maude and Edna' s graves while the others are right by the graves of Beatrice Simmons, Frank Grimes, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Alice Glick, Amber Pai Gao Simpson, Shary Bobbins, Max the Ice Cream Delivery Man, Fat Tony I, Hyman Krustofski, Gladys Gurney, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Comic Book Guy, Barney Gumble, Jackie Bouvier, Penelope Owsley, Chip Davis, Abe Simpson and Jasper Beardley.

Ned: "Maude and Edna, I'm never forgettin' both of you."

Homer: "Dad, these flower plants are always held in your memories."

Krusty: "Dad, these coins are for your memories."

Lisa: "1 of these saxophone reeds is for your memories, Bleeding Gums."

Manjula: "These flower plants are held in your memories, Apu."

The Springfield residents exit Springfield Cemetery and suddenly the ghost figures of Beatrice Simmons, Frank Grimes, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Alice Glick, Amber Pai Gao Simpson, Shary Bobbins, Max the Ice Cream Delivery Man, Fat Tony I, Hyman Krustofski, Gladys Gurney, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Comic Book Guy, Barney Gumble, Jackie Bouvier, Penelope Owsley, Chip Davis and Abe Simpson emerge from their graves.

Fat Tony's Ghost Figure: "I can't believe dat I actually passed away like dis."

Maude's Ghost Figure: "I know, it's like a crazy dream sequence."

Apu's Ghost Figure: "I can still remember when I got those nasty bruises,"

Barney's Ghost Figure: "and that giant falling crash as well."

Comic Book Guy's Ghost Figure: "Worst ghost figure business ever."

Bleeding Gums Murphy's Ghost Figure: "What are we waitin' for?"

Abe's Ghost Figure: "let's pay the living residents of Springfield a visit."

Amber's Ghost Figure: "We agree with you, Abe,"

Jackie's Ghost Figure: "let's go."

The 18 ghost figures fly around on their way to the Simpson family's house.

Outside the Simpson family's house
Bart: "Comic Book Guy?"

Homer: "Dad and other mom?"

Lisa: "Bleeding Gums Murphy?"

Marge: "Barney? Apu?"

Ned: "Maude? Alice? Amber?"

Krusty: "Dad? Penelope? Chip?"

Bart: "Ms. Glick? Shary Bobbins?"

Lisa: "Max the Ice Cream Delivery Man?"

Homer: "Fat Tony?"

Patty: "Mom? Aunt Gladys?"

Lenny: "Jasper?"

Bart: "but that's not possible,"

Lisa: "you're all deceased."

Chip's Ghost Figure: "Of course we're deceased, but we'll tell you how you passed away: Maude, you go 1st."

Maude's Ghost Figure: "Well it all began when me, Neddy and the boys were at the race track and Homer wanted 1 of those t-shirt real badly."

Homer: "Oh yeah, now I remember how it happened."

Flashback sequence to the season 11 episode: Alone Again, Natura Diddly

Homer: "Hey, t-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt!"

T-Shirt Cannon Girl Number 1: "Fire!"

The t-shirts are fired right outta the t-shirt canon.

Homer: "Ooh, a bobby pin."

Homer bends right down and Maude returns with the snack foods and the t-shirts knock her right off the bleachers.

Maude: "AAAAAAAH!"

Ned: [Gasps In Shock] "Maude?"

[Crowd Murmuring]

Julius: "Oh my lord, she's dead."

Ned: [Groans In Shock]

End flashback sequence.......

Maude's Ghost Figure: "And that's exactly how it happened."

Comic Book Guy's Ghost Figure: "I can tell all of you how I passed away, I was walking around on my way home from work at my comic book shop."

Flashback sequence to the episode: The Final Temptation of Comic Book Guy........

Comic Book Guy: "Such a beautiful afternoon, a super good time to walk around, (he begins developing heart attack complications.) I don't think I'm feeling very good."

Comic Book Guy collapses right on the grass.

Bart: "Comic Book Guy?"

Janey: "Oh my word!"

Lisa: "Bart, call 9-1-1, Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass."

Bart dials 9-1-1 and it reaches Springfield General Hospital.

Paremedic Number 1 (on the other smart phone): "9-1-1, what's your exact location?"

Bart (on his smart phone): "Springfield, it's a super big emergency, Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass."

Paramedic Number 2 (on the other smart phone): "Now hang in there, we'll be on our way in a jiffy."

Bart hangs up his smart phone and later on, the paramedics arrive and take Comic Book Guy over to Springfield General Hospital.

Comic Book Guy's Ghost Figure (voice-over): "You guys knew I was dying, so I said my final words to all of you."

Marge: "Comic Book Guy?"

Bart: "Mom, Dad, guys, over here."

Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Kirk, Luann, Ned, Kathy, Apu, Manjula, the Octuplets, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Clancy, Lou, Eddie, Moe, Barney, Lenny, Carl, Abe, Rita, Jackie, Patty and Selma come right over to them.

Lenny: "What just happened?"

Lisa: "Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass this afternoon."

Ned: "Is he gonna be alright?"

Bart: "Dr. Hibbert's speaking with Dr. Nick right now."

Julius and Nick walk right outta Comic Book Guy's hospital room.

Julius: "Terrible news, everybody,"

Nick: "Comic Book Guy's illness is just too deadly for us to save him,"

Julius: "but you can all go in there and say goodbye to him."

Bart, Lisa, the other young kids, Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Kirk, Luann, Ned, Kathy, Apu, Manjula, the Octuplets, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Clancy, Lou, Eddie, Moe, Barney, Lenny, Carl, Abe, Rita, Jackie, Patty and Selma go right into Comic Book Guy's hospital room.

Bart: "Comic Book Guy, we'll always remember the super thrilling times we all had together as always."

Comic Book Guy: "Thanks a bunch, I really appreciate it."

Lisa: "We'll all make sure the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Cards Shop doesn't go outta business."

Comic Book Guy: "Thanks for telling me that."

(Brief pause)

Comic Book Guy: "Worst death scene ever."

Comic Book Guy passes away peacefully from his heart attack complications.

Julius: (putting his stethoscope right on Comic Book Guy's chest) "I'm terribly sorry, everybody,"

Nick: "so am I."

Rod: "Mommy? Daddy?"

Todd: "is everything alright around here?"

Ned: "We're terribly sorry, everybody,"

Kathy: "Comic Book Guy's deceased."

Milhouse: "Oh my word."

Bart: "No, it can't be."

Lisa: "Let's just sit around outside."

They all exit Comic Book Guy's death bed and sit around outside Springfield General Hospital.

Marge: "He had heart attack complications."

Carl: "What the crap?"

Krusty: "His heart just gave up."

Krusty: [Sobbing A Bit]

Ned: "1st we lost Beatrice, then Gladys, then Bleeding Gums Murphy, then my 1st wife, Maude, then Amber Pai Gao Simpson, then Mona, then Fat Tony, then Alice, then Chip, then my 2nd wife, Edna, then Rabbi Krustofski, then Dr. Nussbaum and now Comic Book Guy, I just wish this death nightmare never happened."

End flashback sequence.......

Abe's Ghost Figure: "So, Homer, you remember when you came to my funeral service, right?"

Homer: "Well, Dad, I sure do."

Flashback sequence to the episode: The Final Days of Abe's Entire Life

Timothy: “Thank you all for coming, everybody, we’re all here to celebrate the life and memories of Abe Jedediah Simpson, and here to say a few words about Abe, is his son, Homer Jay Simpson.”

Homer: “My father always hoped to be buried with his pet ferret, Bingo, so I'd like to thank the Springfield Veterinary Society for putting Bingo down so fast.”

Homer puts Bingo's deceased body right inside Abe's open blue casket then closes it up.

End Flashback sequence

Fat Tony I's Ghost Figure: "And, Homuh, when I passed away, my cousin became de new and improved me."

Homer: "Hey, I remember that."

Apu's Ghost Figure: "I know exactly how I passed away: it all began when we were all at a picnic lunch party at Springfield Park."

Flashback to the episode: Who's Gonna Run the Kwik-E Mart?

Marge: "It sure is nice to walk around in this park,"

Apu: "now to sit around underneath this shady oak tree."

Apu sits right under the shady oak tree while Bart, Lisa, Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Rita and the others are setting up a relaxing picnic lunch spot.

Apu: "I sure hope nothing crazy happens to me."

Apu looks right up at a loose tree branch.

Apu: "I think I spoke too soon."

Apu tries to walk away from the loose tree branch, but it falls right off and hits him on his head by accident which causes him to fall right over to the floor.

Manjula: "Oh my word, Apu,"

Ned: "are you alright?"

Apu: "Tell......Sanjay.....to.....run....the.....Kwik....E....Mart......for....me....in....my.....memories."

Groundskeeper Willie: "Aye, that's a lot o' bruises ya got thare."

Apu: "Don't.......forget.....about......me.....protect.....my....business."

Apu passes away peacefully from his injuries.

Julius puts his stethoscope right on Apu's chest, but to no avail.

Homer: "Oh my word, Dr. Hibbert, he's-"

Julius: "Yes, Homer, I'm afraid that Apu, our super special owner of the Kwik E. Mart is deceased and gone for good."

The Springfield residents mourn over Apu's motionless body.

End flashback sequence........

Apu's Ghost Figure: "And that's the entire story we're telling all of you."

Chip's Ghost Figure: "You wanna know exactly how I passed away? I was flying around in my plane, 'til an unexpected thing happened: my plane just crashed."

Sideshow Bob's Ghost Figure (off screen): "I think it might've gone pretty well."

The living Springfield residents and the ghost figures turn themselves around to see Sideshow Bob, Snake Jailbird and Jack Pott's ghost figures.........

Bart: "Sideshow Bob?!?

Lisa: "Snake Jailbird?!?"

Homer: "Jack Pott?!?"

Marge: "That's not possible, you're all deceased, we defeated all 3 of you!"

Snake Jailbird's Ghost Figure: "That's exactly right,"

Sideshow Bob: "so right now,"

Jack Pott's Ghost Figure: "we're gonna haunt all of you for good."

Bleeding Gums Murphy's Ghost Figure: "At least we ain't like those ghost figures are."