The Final Days of Abe's Entire Life transcript

Prologue: The Opening Theme Tune Intro
Male Robotic Voices: The Simpsons

Clancy: back again for season 32

[Rock And Roll Version Of The Simpsons Theme Tune In Background]

There’s a billboard that reads: Always trust other people's wishes

Ralph is enjoying his strawberry ice cream treat while Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are sawing off the head of the statue of Jebediah Springfield, but the head lands right on Ralph’s head.

Ralph: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Bart is seen writing I will not tell fibs 28 times on the chalkboard.

[School Bell Ringing]

Bart skateboards outta the school building, all the way back home to the Simpson family’s house.

Dewy is conducting the student’s music while Lisa is playing her saxophone uncontrollably while walking out the door.

Homer is seen working at the Nuclear Power Plant while Mr. Burns, Smithers, Lenny and Carl are watching above him, and he finds a green radiation orb.

[Steam Whistle Sounds]

Homer leaves to drive back home from work.

Marge and Maggie are grocery shopping, but the cashier picks up Maggie and scans her by mistake and Marge rescues her immediately.

Homer is driving around while Bart is still skateboarding.

Marge and Maggie are now driving back home to their house.

Outside the Simpson family’s house, Homer is standing by the open garage, just as Lisa scoots right past him on her bicycle.

Homer: “D’oh!”

The Simpson family’s car is just about to pull right into the driveway.

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Homer rushes right back inside the house, and the 5 members of The Simpson family are about to sit on the sofa, but Tom and Jerry are sitting there.

Scene 1: The Simpson family's house/the dining room
Marge is ironing Bart and Homer's pants and Homer's about to go off to work at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

Homer: "Marge, kids, I'll see you when I get back home from work at the nuclear power plant!"

Marge: "Okay, Homer,"

Bart and Lisa (except Maggie, Santa's Little Helper and Snowball V): "don't be too long!"

Homer goes right out the door and drives around on his way to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Carl: "Hey, Homer, our main man,"

Lenny: "we're super thrilled you're here."

Smithers: "Well, Homer, it seems that you're making progress here,"

Mr. Burns: "you better get this paper work finished, so don't screw this up, got it"

Homer: "Why sure, you guys, I got it."

Homer goes right off to work, but he begins playing around with his work tie a bit.

Meanwhile back home in the Simpson family's living room......

Marge: (on the wireless telephone with the Springfield Retirement Castle nurse) "He what? oh my word, I don't believe this just happened, I'll just get everybody in Springfield to come right over here right away."

Back at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Homer: "Well I got everything finished, it's now time for me to go back home to my own house."

Lenny: "Okay, Homer, be super careful driving around out there."

Homer goes right back outside and drives around on his way home back to the Simpson family's house.

Back home at the Simpson family's house/the Flanders, Van Houten, Wiggum, Powell and Prince family members are now visiting
Bart: “There he is.”

Homer: “Look, I’m pretty sure you heard that I was playing with my own tie at work, and do I go fast-walking in sneakers every single Saturday afternoon in Springfield park? oh, yes I do.”

Marge: “Homer, we're not here because of any of that.”

Homer: “Alright, I know what this is about, somebody saw me playing cops and robbers with a young man at Krusty Burger this morning.”

(Brief Pause)

Homer: “Okay, so was I involved in the Springfield city bombing? a little bit.”

Rita: “No, Homer, you’re not gettin’ it.”

Homer: “Alright, we’ll go deeper: yeah right, I was followed by that talking duck who said he was from the future, turns out he was just a present-day duck with a crazy attitude.”

Lisa: “But, Dad, you don’t understand.”

Homer: “Oh I understand alright, I understand that I've made lots of crazy enemies by doing crazy taunts up at the jailhouse windows, oh, and another thing, raise your hand if you think puppy dogs are magical, and up it goes, Homer Jay Simpson is the only 1 in this house.”

Bart: “Dad, that’s not exactly why they’re all here, and none of us heard about you horsing around at work.”

Homer: “Oh, so why’s everybody here, Marge?”

Marge: “Homer, your father is deceased, he had a stroke this afternoon and he passed away later this evening.”

Homer: “You don’t normally pass away from that, Marge, you just host a New Year's Eve party and go crazy.”

Bart: “Dad, it's true, we’re terribly sorry.”

Homer: “Holy crap, I don’t believe this, he’s gone for good? okay, well, I'm gonna go write to everybody on Twitter with a depressing terrible day status and nothing more.”

Rita: “Your father was a real good man, Homer.”

Homer: “Thanks, Mom, I just can’t believe he’s really gone for good.”

The 1st Church of Springfield
Timothy: “Thank you all for coming, everybody, we’re all here to celebrate the life and memories of Abe Jedediah Simpson, and here to say a few words about Abe, is his son, Homer Jay Simpson.”

Homer: “My father always hoped to be buried with his pet ferret, Bingo, so I'd like to thank the Springfield Veterinary Society for putting Bingo down so fast.”

Homer puts Bingo's deceased body right inside Abe's open blue casket then closes it up.

Meanwhile right after Abe's closed blue casket was buried, everybody's now at Abe's memorial wake...........

Bart: "Wow, look at that,"

Lisa: "They got all of the good snack foods and decorations in Grampa's memories."