The Final Temptation of Comic Book Guy transcript

Prologue: The Opening Theme Tune Intro
Male Robotic Voices: The Simpsons

Clancy: back again for season 31

[Rock And Roll Version Of The Simpsons Theme Tune In Background]

There’s a billboard that reads: Always trust other people's wishes

Ralph is enjoying his strawberry ice cream treat while Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are sawing off the head of the statue of Jebediah Springfield, but the head lands right on Ralph’s head.

Ralph: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Bart is seen writing I will not do daredevil stunts 28 times on the chalkboard.

[School Bell Ringing]

Bart skateboards outta the school building, all the way back home to the Simpson family’s house.

Dewy is conducting the student’s music while Lisa is playing her saxophone uncontrollably while walking out the door.

Homer is seen working at the Nuclear Power Plant while Mr. Burns, Smithers, Lenny and Carl are watching above him, and he finds a green radiation orb.

[Steam Whistle Sounds]

Homer leaves to drive back home from work.

Marge and Maggie are grocery shopping, but the cashier picks up Maggie and scans her by mistake and Marge rescues her immediately.

Homer is driving around while Bart is still skateboarding.

Marge and Maggie are now driving back home to their house.

Outside the Simpson family’s house, Homer is standing by the open garage, just as Lisa scoots right past him on her bicycle.

Homer: “D’oh!”

The Simpson family’s car is just about to pull right into the driveway.

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Homer rushes right back inside the house, and the 5 members of The Simpson family are about to sit on the sofa, but Calvin and Hobbes are sitting there.

Scene 1: Downtown Springfield
Bart: "So, Milhouse, guys, what do you wanna do this afternoon?"

Milhouse: "How 'bout we go to the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Cards Shop? Justice Pals comic magazine number 12 just came out this year."

Sherri: "Oh yeah,"

Terri: "let's go inside and get that comic magazine."

Bart, Lisa, Milhouse, Rod, Todd, Sadie, Felicia, Nelson, Ralph, Sherri, Terri, Martin and Janey go right inside the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop.

Inside the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop
Comic Book Guy: "My most favorite customers, how can I help all of you out here?"

Bart: "We would like some copies of Justice Pals comic magazine number 12, please."

Comic Book Guy: "Okay, that'll be 13 dollars, please."

The young kids give Comic Book Guy 13 dollars.

Comic Book Guy: "Okay, here you go, enjoy your comic magazines."

Lisa: "Okay, Comic Book Guy, thanks a bunch."

The young kids go right outside to sit on the bench and read their copies of Justice Pals comic magazine number 12.

It's now closing time and Comic Book Guy walks around outside.

Comic Book Guy: "Such a beautiful afternoon, a super good time to walk around, (he begins developing heart attack complications.) I don't think I'm feeling very good."

Comic Book Guy collapses right on the grass.

Bart: "Comic Book Guy?"

Janey: "Oh my word!"

Lisa: "Bart, call 9-1-1, Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass."

Bart dials 9-1-1 and it reaches Springfield General Hospital.

Paremedic Number 1 (on the other smart phone): "9-1-1, what's your exact location?"

Bart (on his smart phone): "Springfield, it's a super big emergency, Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass."

Paramedic Number 2 (on the other smart phone): "Now hang in there, we'll be on our way in a jiffy."

Bart hangs up his smart phone and later on, the paramedics arrive and take Comic Book Guy over to Springfield General Hospital.

Fade to a black screen........

Scene 2: Springfield General Hospital
Marge: "Comic Book Guy?"

Bart: "Mom, Dad, guys, over here."

Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Kirk, Luann, Ned, Kathy, Apu, Manjula, the Octuplets, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Clancy, Lou, Eddie, Moe, Barney, Lenny, Carl, Abe, Rita, Jackie, Patty and Selma come right over to them.

Lenny: "What just happened?"

Lisa: "Comic Book Guy collapsed right on the grass this afternoon."

Ned: "Is he gonna be alright?"

Bart: "Dr. Hibbert's speaking with Dr. Nick right now."

Julius and Nick walk right outta Comic Book Guy's hospital room.

Julius: "Terrible news, everybody,"

Nick: "Comic Book Guy's illness is just too deadly for us to save him,"

Julius: "but you can all go in there and say goodbye to him."

Bart, Lisa, the other young kids, Marge (with Maggie), Homer, Kirk, Luann, Ned, Kathy, Apu, Manjula, the Octuplets, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Clancy, Lou, Eddie, Moe, Barney, Lenny, Carl, Abe, Rita, Jackie, Patty and Selma go right into Comic Book Guy's hospital room.

Bart: "Comic Book Guy, we'll always remember the super thrilling times we all had together as always."

Comic Book Guy: "Thanks a bunch, I really appreciate it."

Lisa: "We'll all make sure the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Cards Shop doesn't go outta business."

Comic Book Guy: "Thanks for telling me that."

(Brief pause)

Comic Book Guy: "Worst death scene ever."

Comic Book Guy passes away peacefully from his heart attack complications.

Julius: (putting his stethoscope right on Comic Book Guy's chest) "I'm terribly sorry, everybody,"

Nick: "so am I."

Rod: "Mommy? Daddy?"

Todd: "is everything alright around here?"

Ned: "We're terribly sorry, everybody,"

Kathy: "Comic Book Guy's deceased."

Milhouse: "Oh my word."

Bart: "No, it can't be."

Lisa: "Let's just sit around outside."

They all exit Comic Book Guy's death bed and sit around outside Springfield General Hospital.

Marge: "He had heart attack complications."

Carl: "What the crap?"

Krusty: "His heart just gave up."

Krusty: [Sobbing A Bit]

Ned: "1st we lost Beatrice Simmons, then Gladys Gurney, then Bleeding Gums Murphy, then my 1st wife, Maude, then Amber Pai Gao Simpson, then Mona Simpson, then Fat Tony, then Alice Glick, then Chip Davis, then my 2nd wife, Edna, then Rabbi Krustofski, then Dr. Nussbaum and now Comic Book Guy, I just wish this death nightmare never happened."

Fade to another black screen......

Announcer: "Don't go away, The Simpsons will be right back, right after these commercial breaks."

Commercial Break Number 1

Commercial Break Number 2

Announcer: "And now, back to The Simpsons, on Fox Network."

1st Church of Springfield
Everybody's there for Comic Book Guy's funeral ceremony and Comic Book Guy's closed casket is right up at the alter.

Ned: "He's with Maude, Edna and the others in the skies of heaven right now."

Apu: "This is just terrible, horrible, terrible."

Groundskeeper Willie: "I know things went crazy sometimes, but-"

Groundskeeper Willie: [Sobbing Silently]

Herbert: "Comic Book Guy, you were my best friend for life and we really loved you more than anything."

They're now sitting right in their pew seats and Timothy takes his place at the podium.

Timothy: "We're all here to celebrate the life and memories of Jeffrey Albertson, also known as Comic Book Guy, who would've been super pleased that you all cared about him."

(Brief pause)

Timothy: "Now you can all give your eulogy speeches about him respectively."

Sideshow Bob goes 1st.

Sideshow Bob: "Comic Book Guy was my worst rival, he was super annoying, he-"

Timothy: "Okay, Sideshow Bob, that's quite enough of that, okay, Lenny, you're next."

Lenny goes 2nd.

Lenny: "Comic Book Guy was a super hilarious comic genius, he always wore character costumes for comic conventions, thanks a bunch, Comic Book Guy, what a super good friend to all of us."

Timothy: "And now let's take that casket over to Springfield Cemetery."

Springfield Cemetery
Comic Book Guy's closed casket is being lowered.

Groundskeeper Willie: [Playing Amazing Grace On Bagpipes]

Timothy: "Goodbye and farewell, Comic Book Guy, may you join Beatrice Simmons, Gladys Gurney, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Maude Flanders, Amber Pai Gao Simpson, Mona Simpson, Fat Tony, Alice Glick, Chip Davis, Edna Krabappel Flanders, Rabbi Krustofski and Dr. Nussbaum in the skies of heaven."

Comic Book Guy's tombstone is right next to Dr. Nussbaum's tombstone.

The Simpson family's house
Lisa: "Now that Comic Book Guy's gone to the skies of heaven with Bleeding Gums Murphy and the others, I wonder who's gonna run the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."

Bart: "I don't know, Lisa, it might be somebody who was super close to him."

Maggie: (removing her red pacifier from her mouth) "Yeah right."

Marge: "Let's all take an opportunity to remember Comic Book Guy."

Flashback to the season 2 episode: 3 Men and a Comic Book......

Martin: (about the Radioactive Man comic magazine) "Can you let me have it for 40 dollars?"

Comic Book Guy: "40 dollars? you made me get off my stool for that?"

Martin: "It's all I got, I sold seeds, I visited my aunt in the nursing home, I fished a dime outta the sewer for God's sake!"

Flashback to the season 9 episode:  'Round Springfield........

Lisa: "250 dollars? but I need that album to honor the memory of Bleeding Gums Murphy."

Comic Book Guy: "He's dead? well why didn't you say so?"

End flashback memories........

Homer: "Such wonderful memories."

Marge: "Now that we have all of our memories of him, let's go out and ask somebody to take over the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."

The Simpson family (along with Maggie) walk around searching for somebody who can take over the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop, but to no avail.

Bart: "Now what? we searched everywhere and it's gonna be dark soon."

Lisa: "Hey look, there's Uncle Herbert, maybe he can be the new owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."

Marge: "Herbert, would you like to be the new owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop?"

Herbert: "Of course I do, I'm gonna take good care of it 'cause Comic Book Guy left it to me in his memories."

Homer: "Then we have ourself a new owner of the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop."

Back at the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop
Herbert: "Here you kids go, enjoy your comic magazines and be sure to be there for the Justice Pals convention tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM."

Milhouse: "Okay, Mr. Powell,"

Martin: "we'll be there in the nick of time."

The young kids go right outside the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop and go right back home to their separate houses and later fall asleep in their separate bedrooms.

The very next morning.......

It's now 7:30 AM.

Bart: "Finally,"

Lisa: "today's the day of the Justice Pals convention."

Bart and Lisa take turns changing into their original clothes, have themselves a super good breakfast meal and get themselves dressed up as Commander Eagle and Blue Siren and walk right out the door and Otto drives them around to the Justice Pals convention.

Back at the Androids Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop/The Justice Pals convention
Herbert: "Thanks for coming today, everybody, you sure got the characters' outfits perfectly right."

Bart: "Even Mr. Flanders is Radioactive Man,"

Lisa: "and Apu's Water Crasher."

Milhouse: "Wow, Mrs. Berrera's Red Sage and my mom's White Leopard."

Martin: "All of the Justice Pals characters are here."

Ned: "Up and Atom!"

Kathy: "Wow, Ned, that's a super good Radioactive Man outfit."

Ned: "It sure is, Kathy, it sure is."

Homer: "Comic Book Guy's memories will be treasured in our hearts and minds."

Fade to another black screen.....

A memorial dedication reads: Dedicated to the memory of June Foray (1917-2017) with a picture of the Baby-Sitting Lady in the season 1 episode: Some Enchanted Evening.